Just Me and My Boys

Why we probably shouldn't get a real puppy until Shepherd is a little older

2012-01-23T16:38:00.003-06:00

"All done" my foot

2012-01-18T15:32:00.006-06:00

Late Sunday evening, BJ, Shepherd, and I returned from a week long trip visiting BJ's family in Northern Indiana. I would like to say is was a lovely trip, and it was in that we got to spend time with family, but other than that, it was a disaster in every way. I'm talking delayed flights, flying all over the country, lost luggage, and lots and lots of vomiting. I'll leave out the gore-y details and stop there.

Suffice it to say, Shepherd was still fighting the Gensic Stomach Bug of 2012 when we arrived home. After a week of periodically being thrown up on and just plain hurting for my son who had been sick for a week, I've been extremely strict about his diet over the past two days. Small amounts of bland food every few hours. That's it. Shepherd, who has always had a healthy appetite, has just about had enough. He is starting to communicate his frustration.

Tuesday morning, I prepared a small bowl of oatmeal. After Shepherd had consumed two thirds of it, I decided he should probably step on the brakes. After I declared, "All done," and put down the spoon, Shepherd stretched as tall as he could in his high chair, peeked over the edge of the bowl, saw the remaining oatmeal, looked up at me, and pointed quite clearly. His look was nothing if not accusatory. I ended up feeding him the rest of the oatmeal, and thankfully, he managed to keep it down.

Despite the general disaster of our vacation, there were some fun times. It snowed significantly while we were up there, so Shepherd got to play in the snow for a while. In closing, here is a picture of my little guy in the snow. Maybe it will erase the image of so very many people up-chucking.

Payback

2012-01-06T17:38:00.005-06:00

Here are some of the things my brother did to me when I was a child:

1. Throw me across the living room.

2. Stand me between two trees and kick soccer balls at me as hard as he possible could.

3. Built a house out of couch cushions, put me in it, and jump on it with as much force as he could possibly muster.

4. Leave me outside in a wheel barrel I could not get out of while he ran to the bathroom (aka watched a Cubs game).

5. Lock me in our bathroom during my favorite cartoons with the entirely nonsensical outside lock on our bathroom door.

6. Pelt me with pecans anytime I ventured outdoors.

I could go on, but we'll leave it at that. Suffice it to say, payback has come to greet my brother. This payback comes in the form of a cute little boy who has no concept of personal space. It comes in the form of my son.

So after years and years of torture, justice has been served. As I have mentioned before, my son doesn't exactly smell good, so trust me, my brother is in a world of hurt in that second photo. And as for me, I'm just sitting back enjoy the view of all thing being put right by mamma's little boy.

Who is this toddler, and what did he do with my sweet baby?

2012-01-02T18:10:00.002-06:00

It is becoming increasingly more evident that I'm no longer dealing with a baby. Somewhere along the way in these past 14-1/2 months, my baby became a toddler. It is a terrifying development, but it is impossible to deny. Here are just a handful of things that babies don't do that my son does, and thus, leads me to the conclusion that he is now a toddler:

1. Babies don't run as fast as they can from their mothers when they have acquired some little treasure they don't won't to relinquish, such as chokeable-sized rocks or dried dog poop.

2. Babies don't lift the lid on the toilet and splash the water or drop toys in it to save for later.

3. Babies don't smell this bad. What is it about little boys that they smell so bad?

4. Babies don't scream, "Da!" and try to wiggle out of their mothers grasp in the middle of church because they just discovered their dad is the preacher.

5. Babies don't demand that you read the same 4 or 5 books 5 or 20 times a day every day. And reading a book to your son isn't exactly something you can say no to.

Given that babies do none of these things and my son does all of these things, I'd say I have a toddler on my hands. I really don't know when he grew up. But the good news is, despite all the ornery behavior, he has somehow managed to become cuter than ever. Also, babies don't run up to you and give you tight hugs and wet kisses about every half hour, which is food for my nauseated, exhausted, first-trimester-of-pregnancy soul. Overall, I guess I can learn to live with this particular development.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T18:14:00.009-06:00

This Christmas has been a blessing in many ways. In no particular order, here are five blessings of this holiday season.

1. On the first Sunday of advent season, BJ and I got this:If the joy and anticipation of a second child isn't a blessing, I don't know what is. I am 9-1/2 weeks along, and our due date is July 23rd!

2. This was my first Christmas hosting at my own home. Due to all-day morning sickness for the past four weeks, I was totally useless, but it was still wonderful having my family in my home for a holiday. And of course, my work horses of a mother and father made up for my inability to do much more than lay around and moan.

3. This was also our first Christmas with my brother's fiance, Stephanie. She entertained Shepherd during the moments my nausea subsided enough for me to get in the kitchen, did a lot of her own delicious cooking to contribute to our feast, and washed lots and lots of dishes. Like I said, this is a list of blessings.
4. Yet another first, this was our first Christmas to share with our new church family. The Christmas Eve service was touching and a wonderful reminder of what we were all celebrating in the first place. Just in case you were wondering, we did wake Shepherd up and take him to the service. He was in a daze the whole hour, so we are pretty sure he thought it was a really bazaar dream. Here is a picture of our family at church Christmas morning, and for the record, my appearance in this picture is not due to over-indulgence over the holidays, but rather to the fact that woman show a lot earlier in second pregnancies.
5. And last but not least, Shepherd was, as always, a blessing to watch this Christmas. He still is too young to really get the whole present thing, but his personality is developing in big ways, and he did really enjoy studying all of his new toys. So on that note, here are some pictures of our little guy playing with his loot.

A Very Important Announcement

2011-12-16T11:43:00.003-06:00

Just in case you haven't heard yet, my brother and his girlfriend, Stephanie, got engaged last weekend. Wedding plans have begun, and we are all so excited! Shepherd is so very happy to be gaining an aunt. The more people to dote on him, the happier he is.

So congratulations Bro and Stephanie! We love you guys! Here is a not-so-good picture of all of us from last summer.

It couldn't possibly be two weeks

2011-12-12T21:04:00.003-06:00

It is amazing how fast time flies between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm sorry it has been 2 weeks since I posted, but I'm afraid I've spent the last week in the nearly internet-less abyss of Menard. It was relaxing and wonderful, but I guess I better get back on the ball.

My mother got on to me while I was in Menard for not bringing my camera and for never doing blog posts on my trips down there. So to make up for it, here are a few poignant and deeply moving (though pictureless) points about my week in Menard.

1. Shepherd's cheeks are a little chubbier after a week in Menard. For every meal, he had total access to three plates as well as his own. And if you know anything about my son, you know that where there is food, he is there to eat it.

2. I got to eat all the Southern food I love that BJ is not too keen on. One night, we had pinto beans and corn bread. It was divine. Shepherd ate a full serving and then some.

3. I was lazier than any one has a right to be last week. One day, Shepherd and I were both still in our pajamas when Mom and Dad got home for their lunch hour. That just isn't like me.

4. While Shepherd relentlessly ran around creating complete and total chaos, my parents kept marveling that they don't remember me ever doing these things. I have already concluded that Shepherd got almost nothing from me, but I've also concluded that I'm perfectly fine with that. He is so his own person, and it is just fascinating to watch the big personality God made growing in Shepherd. He is a hand full, but we are all having fun chasing him.

5. Speaking of Shepherd being a hand full, he has decided that he does not like having poopy diapers changed. His response is to cry while doing everything in his power to escape. One day, I was needing to make some phone calls, so Mom and Dad were watching him. When I was done, I walked in their room to find them changing a poopy diaper. Unfortunately, by the time I got there, Shepherd was hanging halfway off the bed screaming with his little naked hind end sticking up in the air, and Mom and Dad where just trying to get wet wipes out as quickly as possible. By the time they finally finished, my Dad said, "I don't remember you or your brother doing that." I have a funny feeling we never did.

A wonderful Thanksgiving

2011-11-29T11:10:00.010-06:00

One of the many bonuses of living in Oklahoma is that we are no longer so far away from many of our closest friends. In fact, we are now a pretty even halfway point between two of our favorite couples: Josh, Allison, and their 8-month old daughter, Emily, in Lubbock and Jeff and Rebekah in Houston. This Thanksgiving, we spent the holiday with these very wonderful people. Here is a brief synopsis.

Of course, most of the week was spent watching Emily and Shepherd and their budding friendship. This is the picture we will use at their wedding (hehe).
After getting better acquainted, Shepherd decided to sit on Emily.

After escaping the bazaar behavior of my goofy son, Emily likely questioned the wisdom of this friendship.
The adults played lots of board games. Their was a lot of strategizing going on.
Thanksgiving day brought beautiful weather, so Allie and I took the babies to the park. I ran around chasing my little guy trying to keep him from eating all the mulch,...

...while Emily and Allie basked in the sun.
Throughout the day, we three ladies cooked. We cooked a lot of food. A whole lot of food.

BJ, however, did the turkey. It was his first attempt, and it was delicious.
Soon after dark on Thanksgiving day, we sat down to a HUGE meal. Shepherd ate and ate and ate. He literally had three helpings of dressing and gravy. He is such a pig.

Before Jeff and Rebekah headed out on Saturday, we managed to get a group pictures. Emily was really into the whole picture thing.

All and all, it was a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks to everyone for the cooking, gaming, and fun times. And thanks to Allie for taking better pictures than mine (most of these came from her). I hope everyone else's holiday was as good as ours. Now I'm ready to get started on Christmas!

First Drawing

2011-11-21T09:30:00.003-06:00

The other day, I took a pen, positioned it in Shepherd's cute little chubby hand and started drawing with him. After just a little bit, I let go and watched him do his first drawing all by himself. I then framed it and put it on the desk where I do all of my artwork. I am both a proud mommy and a proud artist. Go son!

The reason I'm behind on posting

2011-11-15T09:41:00.009-06:00

Christmas season is approaching (yay!), so I've been trying to get some stationary up on my shop for gifts. Of course, that means doing the artwork, assembling the cards, taking pictures, editing pictures, and then posting them on Etsy. To make it all more interesting, Shepherd has started walking (running, really) this week, so I'm busier than ever. So anyways, I should be getting more cards up over the next few days. Keep an eye out for them! Here are a few shots of some cards that will be going up soon:

Exploring (Taste-Testing) with Shepherd

2011-11-07T08:40:00.011-06:00

Shepherd is starting to really like spending time outside. I really like watching him spend time outside. Partially, this is the wonder of seeing a child discover the world. Also partially, it is because he looks so cute in his little coat and tennis shoes. Allow me to demonstrate:

When we venture out into the great outdoors, Shepherd starts examining everything: dirt, rocks, leaves, everything.

Then, he starts eating it.

To distract him from eating everything, we brought his walker out.

Unfortunately, while walking with his walker, he spotted a dandelion.

So he ate it.

He then resumed his search for more culinary delights (think rocks).

I'm not sure what he was doing here, but I hope this is him telling us that he found the taste of some of the dirt wanting.

To top off this particular outing outside, I took a picture of my two favorite guys.

I then joined the photo time myself, but that just made it crazy. Sometimes, I have that affect on them.

Happy Halloween!!!

2011-10-31T20:53:00.008-05:00

BJ's mom knit Shepherd a viking hat for this winter. As Shepherd's first real Halloween approached, so did my first costume-making responsibilities as a mom. Seeing how cute the viking hat was, I decided to just make a fur vest, shoes with leather straps, and a leather skirt thingy and call Shepherd a viking. It worked splendidly.

Here are some photos of our Halloween evening. First, here are some pictures that show his costume really well.

Now for some pictures of BJ and I at home with our little viking.

And lastly, just in case you were wondering, here are some pictures of what Shepherd thought of having to dress up.

The Artist Gene

2011-10-27T10:10:00.004-05:00

It has yet to be seen whether Shepherd has inherited my love and talent for art. But I do know one thing for certain; he really likes to bite off the tips of crayons.

I'm going to call it promising and leave it at that.

Shepherd's Birthday in Exhausting Detail

2011-10-24T20:34:00.018-05:00

Well, my intention was to get this blog done much earlier today, but Shepherd has been under the weather with a fever, runny nose, and mild cough, so I've been playing nurse. He is now in bed trying to sleep off that fever (please say a little prayer that he will soon recover), so I'm going to take a moment to recount his birthday.

I put the camera by my bed the night before so that I could get a first-thing-in-the-morning picture. He is always really happy when he wakes up.

Because I have no patience when it comes to giving gifts, we opened presents first thing after everyone was awake. Ninety percent of these presents were from Aunt Marcy. One of them was from BJ and I. He is going to really love his Aunt Marcy.

His Nana knit him an awesome hat for the winter.

He was unsure about the whole unwrapping process. He mostly just wanted to eat the paper.

Our gift to him was a walker that turns into a scooter when he gets older. He thought it was big fun helping his dad put it together. (Everyone take a moment to laugh at BJ's bed head.)

Later that day, it was time to eat, and eat we did. But first, we took pictures in ridiculous hats I got because birthday parties for one-year-olds should be cheesy, and dang it if I wasn't going to go all out on the cheesy.

Now, I have always objected to the idea of giving a baby their own cake on their birthday and letting them dig into it. However, when I started planning out the big monster cake, I couldn't help but think how cute a little monster cake would be. Before I knew it, I was sitting with my camera taking 40 pictures of Shepherd tearing into his own chocolate cake. Here is what I learned from the experience: giving a one-year old their own cake is one of the funnest things you can possible do on earth, it doesn't hurt them, and you will laugh until your face hurts if you ever actually experience it. In other words, I've been converted.

At first, Shepherd was hesitant with the cake. He would only stick a finger in, lick it, and then look at us to see if we really were condoning this behavior.

Once he got his monster's horn, though, he tore in, and there was no stopping him.

After he had eaten about a third of his little cake and we took it away, he sat in his chair laughing for no apparent reason. It was as if he was just really happy to have discovered that the world had something as beautiful as cake in it.
So that was Shepherd's birthday. It was a great day. And despite the sickness, today had a pretty awesome moment as well. Shepherd took his first steps totally unaided. He did about four little steps to get from me to a chair. He really is growing up on me *sniff sniff*.

2011-10-23T22:33:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to find time to do a post with birthday pictures for the past week, but life has been hectic. Between having BJ's parents in, having church member to our home for game nights and meals, and trying to get my Etsy shop ready for the Christmas season, I have been hopelessly and perpetually behind. This is just a quick post to say that tomorrow I will hopefully do a post with far too many pictures and (most likely boring) details about my little guy turning a year old. Until then, I am going to strive to get a full night's sleep. Goodbye.

Happy Birthday, Shepherd!

2011-10-15T11:30:00.001-05:00

One Day to Go: Project Cake is Completed

2011-10-14T16:49:00.004-05:00

My mom always did elaborate cakes for mine and my brother's birthdays. Because of this, I've always seen the ability to decorate a cool cake as a sign one has truly arrived in motherhood. Unfortunately, I've never really decorated a cake before. But after nearly three hour of carving out pieces, mixing dyes, and getting icing unto virtually every surface of our house, I now have two cakes for tomorrow: one for Shepherd and one for the rest of us.

As you can probably tell, I went with a monster theme for Shepherd's first birthday. Here's one last picture of my little guy before he becomes a big one-year old. I'll post pictures soon of the big day!

Two Days to Go: The Present

2011-10-13T16:20:00.009-05:00

Nesting is an important part of pregnancy. Unfortunately, we weren't able to set Shepherd up his own room in Farmington, so I had to make due with a corner of our bedroom. This is why I was really excited when we moved into our new house to set up Shepherd's room. It took a year, but for Shepherd's main birthday present, he is getting a room of his own.

My parents were kind enough to paint Shepherd's room for us the day before we arrived in Ardmore. Over the past two weeks, I've put together the pieces of his room. As of five minutes ago, it is officially finished. Here it is.

First, I painted some letters to spell out his name above his crib.

Then, I finally had a place to hang the Great Dane painting I did for Shepherd when I was pregnant.

I also made curtains. These did not come out well in the photo. They are denim with a white ribbon with little dog foot prints.

Lastly, I painted a giant weanie dog. It seemed like the thing to do.

Shep likes his room. He mainly likes the toys in his room. He likes to play with his toys in his room, preferably with no pants on.

Three Days to Go (and now for the hardest thing I've ever done)

2011-10-12T15:42:00.002-05:00

When you read this title, you probably feared I was about to spend a whole post reminiscing about the pain of natural child birth. You can take a deep breath now, because that is not in fact the hardest thing I've ever done.

No, the hardest thing I've ever done is go through the hundreds of photos of Shepherd's first year and pick out my top ten favorites, but after hours of ignoring house work and my ever-lurking to-do list, I've managed to do just that. Drum roll, please.

10. Because I feel like I could just reach out and pinch that cute little baby's cheek.

9. Because he laughs the most when he's playing with BJ.

8. Because it reminds me that once upon a time, long, long ago, he slept.
7. Because I can use it later to show him that he spent much of his first summer naked, and that is irrefutable proof that we are awesome parents.
6. Because it reminds us that life is sometimes taxing even for a sweet baby (and by life I mean mom and her stupid camera).

5. Because we spent a lot of the past year just hangin'.
4. Because I've chosen to see this not as him laughing in the face of my baby-proofing attempt, but rather as an example of his advanced resourcefulness.

3. Because the day before my 20 week ultra sound, I told BJ I wanted a boy who looked just like him.
2. Because this is the first look he gave me.
1. Because when I think of Shepherd, this is the face I see.

Four Days To Go

2011-10-11T09:38:00.014-05:00

Before I begin this post, let me say that if my obsessing over my son and his coming of age is mind-numbingly boring to you, feel free to ignore my blog this week. I totally understand that I am one of those parents who bore people with endless doting over my child, and I honestly feel sorry for those of you who are subjected to my gushing. That being said, the countdown continues.

Today's post is on ode to one of my favorite things about my son: his enormous saucer-like eyes. Here they are through the first year.

Month One

Month Two

Month Three
Month Four

Month Five

Month Six

Month Seven
Month Eight
Month Nine
Month Ten

Month Eleven
Month Twelve

The Countdown Begins: 5 Days to Shepherd's Birthday

2011-10-10T13:45:00.006-05:00

On October 15th, Shepherd will turn a year old. It is impossible to describe just how hard that is to believe.

A year ago from today, I looked something like this:

Now, I look a more normal size, but definitely also more unkempt.

As for Shepherd, he is looking more and more like a little boy and less and less like a baby. For the past few weeks (and I'm sure for the next forever), I burst out with proclamations of shock and amazement at what a little man he is becoming every time I see him. Since we spend every moment of every day together, I'm sure this is getting old for him. But seriously, besides the little dark spot where his diaper had a little leak), could he look more like a little boy?

This past Saturday, Shepherd got his first two birthday presents ever. They were from Uncle Bro and Stephanie. This is Shepherd unwrapping books from Stephanie.

This is Shepherd unwrapping a stuffed monkey from Uncle Bro. Notice this gift is wrapped in layers of plastic bags.

Lastly, here is a video of Shepherd doing one of the tricks he's picked up over his first year of life. While in Menard, my parents exuberantly cooed every time Shepherd sweetly tilted his head to the side. It didn't take Shepherd long to figure out he could control people with his head movements. Here he is doing what we call the "oh-sweet-baby".

Pictures of Shep (because that's what I do)

2011-10-05T14:52:00.014-05:00

Due to traveling and being generally unsettled, it has been a while since I posted pictures of my sweet baby boy. Here are a few from the past month, just in case you were missing them.

First, I have a picture of Shepherd playing in the laundry room one of the last days we were in Kentucky. I just like his cute little face in this picture.

The last two nights in Kentucky, BJ and I slept on an air mattress. During one of the following days, Shepherd collapsed in exhaustion on the mattress. Moving is hard work.

After we left Kentucky, we headed to Marietta, Ohio, to spend time with BJ's sister, Alison, and her husband, Breandan. While there, we went to a park where Alison works, and we let Shepherd play. Shepherd went down his first slide.

We then put him on a rocking horse. At first, he was hesitant.

But after tasting it...
...he decided it was awesomesauce.

Then we tried out the swing. At first, he was simply curious about what new crazy thing we were strapping him into...

...but then he realized he could fly. He likes to fly.

This is him with the Gensics.

And this is him with his Great Grandma Gensic. It was a wonderful week.

Now with this next picture, you're probably saying to yourself, "I know all white babies look almost alike, but I'm pretty sure that isn't Shepherd." You would be correct. This is Emily Belisle. Near the end of the month, we made our way to Lubbock to spend time with BJ's best friends, Josh and Allison. Emily is their beautiful and wonderful daughter. Shepherd thought she was so beautiful and wonderful that he kissed her. Three times.

This is a picture of Shepherd being silly this morning. If you look really closely, you can see the tooth Shepherd just sprouted last week. We worked really hard for that tooth. In fact, I still feel a little resentment towards that tooth.
And this is my sweet almost-a-year-old son being funny with the camera this morning.

It's been a wild ride the past month. This post barely even scrapes the surface. All I know is, despite the fact that Shepherd makes regular chaos into crazy, over-the-top, apocalyptic chaos, I'm glad I got to do the last month with him.

A New Home

2011-10-02T19:48:00.004-05:00

It is 8:00 in the evening after our first Sunday at the First Christian Church in Ardmore. It has been a beautiful, warm day full of rich examples of hospitality.

There are many things to complain about with the whole preacher's-wife life. In fact, I've devoted a good bit of this blog to that endeavor. Let me take a moment to tell you some things that are awesome about being the minister's wife here in Ardmore.

1. When I came to town last Sunday evening to start the process of setting up home, all of my belongings had already been moved into our rental home and our new place had been scrubbed clean by a crew of wonderful church ladies.

2. There were also cookies here.

3. I don't have to worry too much about Shepherd's habit of crawling anywhere and everywhere. There is always some one eager and willing to pick him up.

4. Along with number three, when Shepherd had an EXPLOSIVE diaper tonight (I'm talking up the back and out the sides), one of the women offered to help. I accepted the offer. Talk about sacrificial love.

5. I've already been invited to a plethora of activities where I can get to know people and build community.

6. People were really, really excited to have us here this morning. Church was basically one giant hug.

We have gotten mostly settled into our house, and we are now embarking on building a life and a community here. Normally, when I move to a new place, I feel out of sorts for a long time. I'm actually feeling very comfortable and at home here. Perhaps it is because I'm finally accepting that my husband is a preacher and that makes me a preacher's wife. I'm sure that is part of it. But I also think it is because the Kingdom of God is at work in this church in a big way, and it makes it a very nice place to be. Whatever it is, I'm looking forward to my years as an Okie.

We're in Ardmore!

2011-09-26T22:04:00.003-05:00

After traveling and more traveling and more traveling, we are officially in Ardmore. This is the first time I've had a chance to post in a long time, but I am unfortunately tired beyond comprehension. We have spent the entire day unpacking at our house. Over the next week, I'll try to do a few post to catch everyone up on our life. But for now, I'm going to go pass out in bed.

2011-09-08T19:10:00.002-05:00

I am currently sitting in the very cozy living room of Alison's (BJ's sister's) house in Marietta, Ohio, stealing a few moments on her lap top to write an update. As of last Saturday, our house in Farmington is totally empty and all of our stuff is on an 18 wheeler heading to Ardmore, OK. We are doing well, although the last week at Farmington was extremely emotional and trying. I miss all the people there, and I miss my house, but I am extremely hopeful about the future. Also, I'm just really content to be with family. After the emotional roller coaster of last week, it is comforting to simply watch our family enjoy Shepherd and see how much they enrich his life. And Alison is okay with letting me cook out all of my hyped-up emotions and stress in her kitchen. That's how I deal.

BJ is currently laying on the floor drumming an old drum-line cadence on his belly while Shepherd happily bounces to the rhythm. Although we are currently in the middle of a huge transition, there is still a lot of normal to life. That is a good thing.

I'll write more as soon as I have regular access to the internet again. Until then, blessings.

When words fail, there are always pictures of Shepherd

2011-08-29T21:16:00.005-05:00

After a weekend with a lot of tears and goodbyes, I'm not going to say a lot on here. Instead, I'm going to put up a cute picture of Shepherd. I'll write more when I have words to express the past few days of goodbyes.

And for good measure, here is one more cute picture. I feel better now.

2011-08-22T19:47:00.003-05:00

The past week has been a week of goodbyes, and the coming week will be no different. August 31st will be BJ's last day as the minister for Farmington Church of Christ, and we will leave town September 3rd.

Last Tuesday, we had the youth group over for a last get together at our house. The other nights of the past week were filled with dinners and parties with friends who have been deeply gracious in their goodbyes. Shepherd and I, who frequently go with BJ when he visits shut-ins, made a final trip with him Friday afternoon. All of these times of fellowship have been blessings, simply blessings.

Of course, this month has not been only pleasant goodbyes. With the time spent dwelling on good memories, it is only natural that some of the rougher memories creep in on me and BJ. I can't help but wonder why this didn't work, why us and Farmington didn't work. There is obviously a lot of love in this relationship, and BJ and I really wanted this to be home. But I've spent the past two weeks packing up boxes.

I am a person who has always taken constructive criticism very seriously. It is why I succeeded in school in the fields of writing and studio arts, because I valued the opinions of others and acted upon those opinions. The most difficult part of being a preacher's wife these past three years was that I didn't know how to filter the constructive criticism from the plain old criticism, and believe me, preachers are a constant recipient of both. Perhaps what complicates this situation for the spouse of any minister is that he or she is powerless to do much of anything in the face of the criticism and yet feels it's sting so acutely because it is directed at someone you have specifically learned to love and appreciate both despite and because of their flaws.

On the first Sunday of this year, BJ was told that it was the general consensus of the congregation that he wasn't meeting their expectations in the areas of preaching and people skills. We chose to put in a resignation because we felt these particular things were too fundamental to who he was for him to change them. I was sitting at home with my brother who was up for a visit when BJ first called after this meeting. I remember very well what I said to my brother after I got off the phone: "I actually like him the way he is." (Since then, a significant portion of the congregation has voiced similar sentiments.) Despite being shocked and very emotional, it was a moment of clarity I will not soon forget. After two and a half years of trying to decipher what BJ and I needed to change to make us work, I remembered that if BJ changed a lot, he might not be the same guy I've been in love with for the past seven years.

I say all that to say that the goodbyes are really hard, but I am proud of the man I'll be driving out of town with. I pray that Farmington finds a preacher who fits them really well. Despite being blue over leaving this home, I am insanely excited and very hopeful about our future in Oklahoma. BJ and I are constantly talking about our ideas and hopes for the First Christian Church of Ardmore, and we are ready to get down there and start working. As is always the case, God is working in this situation in a big way. I can't wait to see what he does.

10 months

2011-08-15T18:22:00.007-05:00

Today, Shepherd is 10 months old. I can't say how wonderful the past 10 months have been, so instead I'm going to post some photos we had taken a couple of weeks ago. We had never had professional photos done of Shepherd, so we were really excited when a friend of BJ's mother offered to do pictures for us. The photographer is Amber Keller, and she did a wonderful job with Shepherd. Here is a sampling:

A Very Important Announcement

2011-08-09T11:43:00.007-05:00

In less than two months, BJ, Shepherd, Gus, and I will be Okies. BJ has accepted an offer for the pulpit minister position at a church in Ardmore, Oklahoma. Our trip to OK two weeks ago was wonderful. We got to know some magnificently kind and loving people who we are looking forward to getting to know better. Of course, we only got the job because of Shepherd's cuteness, but we aren't above riding on our son's coat tails.

In other news, we had a delightful visit from my brother and his girl-friend, Stephanie. Shepherd is being a little difficult this week after basking in non-stop attention from his uncle and Stephanie. We took a whole slew of pictures their last day here to document their visit, but between BJ hating pictures, Bro somehow never looking in the correct place, Shepherd moving non-stop, and Stephanie and I distracted by the chaos, very few our presentable. But you know me. I'll put them up anyways.

This was supposed to be a picture of us. Instead, it was a picture of Uncle Bro's shoulder.

This is our first attempt at a picture of the five of us in which you can see more than one person's shoulder.

This is our second attempt. I call it: "Where's BJ?"

This is the picture after which we gave up.

Thankfully, I got one good picture of Shepherd with Bro and Stephanie. Cute, isn't it?

Where I've Been

2011-08-04T13:27:00.003-05:00

I am running late on this blog post. I week and a half ago, Shepherd and I went up to Alton to spend some time with my in-laws. Wednesday, BJ joined me, and we headed to Ardmore, Oklahoma for BJ to interview at a church. Monday, my brother and his girlfriend, Stephanie, flew into St. Louis where we picked them up and brought them back to Farmington. Since then, we've been having a wonderful week just hanging out. Unfortunately, in the midst of all this busy-ness, I haven't had time to sit at a computer.

Ardmore turned out to be a beautiful place. The people were wonderful, and the town just felt home-like. As things develop there, I will keep you all posted. Suffice it to say, I might be an Okie by the end of this year, and I'm definitely fine with that possibility.

Cleaning the Bathroom with Shepherd

2011-07-22T14:17:00.005-05:00

Here is a step by step of my experience today cleaning the bathroom with Shepherd:

-I decided to start with the shower. First I took out all the shampoos, conditioners, and soaps so that I could clean the surface well. Then, I started happily rubbing away with my magic eraser.

-While I was doing this, Shepherd took my creamy, pink, strawberry-scented conditioner and squeezed it out all over the floor. He then rubbed it all over his legs.

-Seeing this, I stopped with the magic eraser, set Shep on the edge of our sink, and started rinsing off his legs and hands. While my focus was on his legs and feet, Shep took his little left hand and started pumping liquid hand soap out of its container.

-Once I noticed that hand soap was piling up on my counter, I quickly finished cleaning Shep and wisked him away from the sink. Somehow, in the process of 'wisking', Shep managed to kick the soap container onto the floor, hitting the wall on its way down in such a fashion that my bathroom wall art fell to the tile floor and broke a frame.

-I soon got all of this mess cleaned up and moved all containers with goopy stuff in them outside of Shep's range. I then returned to the shower and my magic eraser to try and finish the job.

-Upon finishing with the shower and turning around, I found that Shep had worked his way into the bathroom closet, removed my toilet bowl cleaner brush (the one I've cleaned our toilet with for the past three years), and was waving it in the air like a flag of victory.

-At this point, I removed the brush from his tight little grasp, exited the bathroom with him in tow, and gave up on ever having a clean bathroom again. At least I finished the shower.

Here is a gratuitous picture of him being all cute. It reminds me why not being able to finish cleaning my bathroom is actually a good thing.

5 Years

2011-07-15T15:02:00.005-05:00

This afternoon, I was working on a new paintings series (soon to be up on Etsy), so I did a little baby-proofing in the art room/office to help with my focus. The only real danger this particular room poses is the wires underneath BJ's desk, so I decided to simple use BJ's chair to block Shepherd's access to them. Five minutes later, I glanced up from my painting to see this:

This may look like just a picture of a baby climbing up a chair, but in reality it is a picture of my son laughing in the face of my baby-proofing attempts.

Changing subjects, BJ and I have been married five years today! We had plans to go see the new Harry Potter movie (we even had our first baby-sitter booked), but Shepherd has come down with a little stomach bug, so instead we're staying home with a mildly sick, very fussy, and undeniably self-destructive baby. I'm oddly not disappointed, though. This is our life right now. We have plenty of time for elaborate, romantic anniversaries later when we have more money and less little people depending on us. But for tonight, I'll be grateful to spend the evening underneath the same roof as my two boys, even if one of them puked on my earlier today.

(Note of interest: On our one-month anniversary, we woke up to Sienna puking after over-indulging in Tony's kitty litter box. So to my wonderful husband: We've come a long way, baby.)

Approaching Nine Months

2011-07-13T10:20:00.011-05:00

This little boy

is going to be 9 months

in two days.

It has been a marvelously

wonderful

and absolutely

beautiful nine months.

And can I just say

I love this face:

Thanks for letting me share.

It really is a beautiful life

2011-07-07T20:01:00.005-05:00

When BJ got home from work this evening, he joined Shepherd and me on the floor where we had been playing with blocks. I welcomed BJ home with a kiss. Because I love my husband to distraction, his welcome home kiss was a real kiss, none of this peck-on-the-cheek stuff. When it was over, I looked over to find that Shep was watching us intently. We laughed at his goofy look, and then BJ grabbed me and Shep in his arms and started rough housing with us. Pain is BJ-speak for 'I love you.'

Later, reflecting on the moment, I couldn't help but compare it to the honey-I'm-home stereotypes of 1950's television. We were far from the typical image between BJ's cargo pants, my sloopy pony tail, and the stench that was coming from Shep's diaper I was just about to change. But it was still very obvious that there is a value in the daily reunion of a man with his wife and child. We were just really happy to see each other.

Perhaps most remarkably, Shepherd is already developing a wonder and curiosity and excitement about love that I feel even at 26 and from which 90 percent of all music, poetry, drama, and art are derived. I can't help but feel a great satisfaction in watching my son be so blessedly human. He is just what God created him to be: a human basking in the love that surrounds him. Every day I pray "God's will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Rolling on the floor today with my family was a kingdom-of-heaven-on-earth moment. I just love those moments.

A Week in Texas

2011-06-30T10:10:00.009-05:00

Shepherd and I returned from Texas Saturday, but it has taken us several days to get adjusted and caught up enough for me to post. Here is a brief pictorial history of our trip. (It wouldn't be quite so brief, but I kept grabbing Mom's camera instead of mine. Oops.)

First stop on our trip was in Abilene where me and my college girlfriends (we call it our Fat Tuesday group) had a little reunion. This reunion looked a good bit different from our last get together 3 years ago because we've added two babies to the bunch, Shepherd and Emerald's precious daughter, Lily. Of course, no trip to Abilene is complete without a walk down memory lane on ACU's campus. Unfortunately, it was too hot to walk, so we road the golf cart 'taxi' instead. Here is Brittany and Erin holding Shep for the ride. (excuse the poor angle. it was bumpy.)

We spent a lot of time hiding from the heat in Emerald's beautiful home. This is a photo of Shep and Lily getting acquainted soon after our arrival. Of course, 'getting acquainted' mostly consisted of Lily telling Shep what he should do and Shep blissfully ignoring her. It really wasn't that different from mine and Shep's own dynamic here at home.

The next day, we went out for dessert. Lily was very relaxed.

Shep was flirty.

At the end of Saturday, it was group photo time. These girls are sooooo pretty. (inside joke)

In Menard, Shep met a whole slew of my uncles, aunts, and family friends. Here he is checking out Uncle Edwin.

One of his favorite activities was crawling all over his Pap.

Sometimes, he was more graceful than at other times.

Mamm had all sorts of fun trying Uncle Bro's old baby hats on him. It's a grandma thing.

Of course, there were tons of more things we did, but they are all on Mom's camera. And I'd better go right now. Shep is about to eat some paper, and I should probably try to stop him.

Torn

2011-06-19T23:31:00.002-05:00

Tonight, I'm posting from Menard, TX where Shepherd and I are visiting my parents. I've spent this weekend reuniting with my college girlfriends, watching my parents fawn over Shepherd, and taking my little guy around town to see and meet many of the people who were part of my childhood. It has been a good weekend, but I can't help but feel torn about being here.

Tuesday afternoon, BJ's grandfather passed away. The viewing and funeral were Friday and Saturday. My initial instinct was to cancel my long-awaited trip and head to Indiana, but BJ's family, with generosity and love, encouraged me to keep my plans. They reminded me that Shepherd and I had been there when it mattered, two weeks ago when Grandpa was able to see us. So while I'm having a wonderful vacation, I am living in the tension that is so often a part of life. I am rejoicing with those I love who are rejoicing and mourning with those I love who are mourning. The two are existing at the same time, and that is okay. It is not taking away from this trip. If anything, it is reminding me just how precious the moments are that we share with our family.

When I get back to Kentucky, I'll post pictures from mine and Shepherd's trip. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for BJ, his grandfather, and his family as they have gone through this loss.

A Fun Way to Spend Sunday Afternoon

2011-06-12T16:09:00.007-05:00

First, look innocent and sweet so that Mommy takes her eyes off of you for just a second. It will only take a second.

Then, crawl over to the kitchen hutch, pull out all the pretty, brightly colored place matts,...

...and bang on the metal bowls until Mommy comes to see what you've gotten into now.

Last but not least, flash a big ole' winning smile. That way, she'll be too busy taking pictures of you to get on to you.

BJ's Parenting Techniques: Part 3

2011-06-10T13:52:00.005-05:00

It has (finally) warmed up enough in Farmington, KY to go for a swim. In anticipation of this moment, I bought some swimming diapers for Shepherd. While cooking dinner Tuesday night, BJ said he was going to take Shepherd for a swim. I told him where I had put the Little Swimmers, and he promptly let me know just how pointless he thought diapers for swimming were. According to him, they aren't going to keep any urine or anything else out of our pool, and they basically served no purpose whatsoever. The next thing I knew, this was the view from my kitchen window:

In his characteristic, no-nonsense style, BJ decided going commando was a much more sensible option for Shepherd.

I joined BJ and his little skinny dipper the next evening. But as soon as swimming time was over, I wrapped my baby in a fluffy towel.

Although Shepherd will most likely one day be glad I wrapped him up quickly, he'll probably never forgive me for this blog post.

For my deprived mother...

2011-06-08T10:39:00.008-05:00

Since BJ, Shepherd, and I have been on the road so much, my mother hasn't been getting her typical dose of Shepherd photos every few days. She emailed me this morning requesting I remedy this. Here are some picture of Shepherd over the past few weeks.

Here he is getting into my art. As soon as the photo was taken, he was re-routed.

Although every parent thinks their child is a genius, this picture gives me pause.

The only way Shepherd can get within two feet of Gus without Gus running:

He was only happy here because he had yet to realize that the luggage was out because we were about to be on the road for another 6 hours.

"That dog is big, Mom. Really big."

I took this picture to demonstrate just how big his eyes are.

Playing with Daddy:

Mommy (aka designated family worrier) did not entirely approve of this.

Getting into Nana's yarn (he did make just as big of a mess as you would imagine):

So there you go, Mom. Hope you enjoyed!

Why it has been FOREVER since I posted last

2011-06-04T20:59:00.002-05:00

Sorry everyone for the dry spell, but BJ, Shepherd, and I have been on the road. To make a long story short, BJ's grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer, and it is a very serious situation. BJ and I have been married almost five years, and it turns out that is long enough to really love your in-laws like they are just plain old family. All of my grandparents have passed away, so it has been a pleasure having BJ's grandparents as my own, and his grandfather is truly an exemplar of what a family patriarch should be. He loves his family fiercely, and he quietly takes care of them behind the scenes in a way that is truly humbling. Please keep him and the rest of the Gensics in your prayers. They are special people.

A brief study of Shep's gene pool

2011-05-20T16:18:00.004-05:00

My last few posts have been about what a handful Shepherd is turning out to be. I suspect that this streak of mischeviousness comes directly from his father. Let me illustrate.

The other night, I (half jokingly) suggested to BJ that he write a book of proverbs for Shepherd. His immediate first response was: "Wipe thine butt clean, son, lest it get itchy in the night." *head on desk*

With the things that come out of BJ's mouth, I can only imagine what this house is going to be like once Shepherd acquires the ability to talk.

What a Week

2011-05-14T20:44:00.007-05:00

Well, we have come to the end of a week. Shepherd had a very full and fun week. I thought I would share with you all a few of the exciting things Shepherd did this week.

-When I bath, I sit Shepherd on the bathroom floor with a few toys so that I can keep an eye on him. One day this week, instead of playing with his toys, he knocked all of my toiletries off of my lower vanity shelf, opened a bottle of petroleum jelly, and dug in. You can imagine.

-Through out the week, I've caught Shepherd licking the kitchen trash can several times. Apparently, the metal feels nice and cool on his tongue.

-Shepherd has developed a facsination with our toilet tissue. He spent a lot of time this week on the bathroom floor gazing up at the white roll of softness and goodness. He is determined to get his hands on it, but it is for the moment just out of reach.

-I watch TV when I fold laundry. I don't want Shepherd watching TV until he is much older, but when I peaked over my neatly folded piles of laundry, this is what I saw:

-In what was perhaps one of his best stunts of the week, I caught Shepherd sticking his little baby fingers through the holes of the laundry basket in which we keep his wet and dirty diapers. He then stuck those same sweet baby fingers into his mouth (the mother of this child shakes her head here).

Of course, the week wasn't all mischeviousness and trouble. He also pulled himself up to standing for the first time this Thursday. I applauded him and got really excited. But then I thought of the roll of toilet paper just beyond his grasp and all the new things within his reach when he is standing. Oh, boy.

Musings of a Mom in Mid-Afternoon

2011-05-10T15:13:00.004-05:00

It is 3:00 in the afternoon, and like most stay-at-home moms, I'm already exhausted. Here is how my days are going right now:

-paint for five minutes

-rescue Shepherd from total destrustion

-throw diapers in the wash

-rescue Shep

-try to clean for five minutes

-rescue Shep

-try to throw food together for meals

-rescue Shep

-repeat fifty times over
-you get the idea

Shepherd is getting into so much. So very, very much. He has toys, but they are apparently less interesting than the electrical cords, art materials, large black dogs, and hard objects with sharp corners that populate our home.

Here is a picture I took of Shepherd earlier today:

I like the caption BJ gave this picture when he saw it: "What can I get into next?" That is the constant question plagueing each moment of my day. What will Shepherd get into next?

Another First

2011-05-08T21:36:00.008-05:00

The first year with a baby is filled with firsts. Of course, today was me first Mother's Day as a mother. BJ's parents were here for the weekend, so we had a wonderful time. We mostly spent our time playing with Shepherd. He's fun that way. Shepherd played some Mario Cart with his Papa.

Later, Shepherd showed off his new hat that his Nana made him.

He was apparently intensely happy about the new hat.

In fact, he knew he looked good in the new hat.

And then we took a little time this afternoon for some Mother's Day photos. I can't think of a better way to spend Mother's Day.

About those Easter pictures...

2011-05-02T20:37:00.015-05:00

Last week, I said I would post some pictures of my parents visit to Kentucky for Easter. Since then, I've been struggling to stay one step ahead of a very destructive crawling machine. But Shepherd is in bed right now, so here we go!

My parents arrived Wednesday morning. This gave them four days of just hanging out with Shepherd before Easter. So they played...

...and walked in the yard...

...and read books...

...and Shepherd examined Dad's nose ("Will mine be that big?")...

...until Easter finally came. On Easter morning, we dressed him in the cutest little suit ever.

It was so cute, I giggled all morning.

Shepherd prefered it sans pants.

All Easter afternoon, BJ and I turned into the camera happy parents I used to make fun of and took pictures of Shepherd in a basket with eggs.It was a challenge to get a picture in which Shepherd didn't have an egg in his mouth.The long photo session resulted in many moments in which Shepherd was going, going, ...

...gone.

But it was totally worth it.

So, thank you, Mom and Dad for a wonderful week. It made Shepherd's first Easter a truly memorable and specieal one.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T16:48:00.002-05:00

Hope everyone is having a wonderful Easter Sunday. Mom and Dad have been here the past few days, so I'll try to get a post up soon. In the mean time, this is just a photo of me with my three guys. I'm a very lucky woman.

Birthdays and Half Birthdays

2011-04-18T10:40:00.007-05:00

Friday, Shepherd turned six months old. Today, BJ turns 32 years old. Here is a picture of BJ and Shep this morning on the couch celebrating there journey together into old age.

Since Shepherd can't count to six, he just tried to fit six fingers into his mouth.

After that, Shepherd contemplated the wisdom he has gained over these six months.

He felt enlightened and hopeful for the future.

But then he peed his pants.

Happy birthday, BJ! You are a blessing to both me and Shepherd. And happy half birthday, Shepherd. It's been an amazing six months.

Watch Out World: He's Going Mobile

2011-04-13T16:17:00.002-05:00

Shepherd has acquired the ability to move from point A to point B. It isn't graceful or fast, but he can do it. I'm so proud!

My, How Times Have Changed

2011-04-08T21:29:00.003-05:00

I've always asked BJ a pretty standard wife question before we leave the house: "How do I look?" The other day, it struck me that I was asking BJ a very different question on our way out the door: "How much spit-up is on this shirt?" I'm not sure what is more shocking; that my pre-outing question has changed or that the new question in and of itself implies that there is a certain amount of spit-up that is entirely appropriate on one's shirt in public.

It is hard to put into words just how much Shepherd has changed our lives, but I think this comes pretty close.

This Makes Me Giggle

2011-03-31T22:14:00.001-05:00

Life Roles

2011-03-30T21:47:00.006-05:00

Although my blog is full of happy pictures of Shepherd, it is probably not too shocking to hear that this year has been a little tough so far. It is hard to be content in one place when you know you will soon be leaving. We love the friends we have made here and dread the goodbyes that are looming over the horizon, which makes the time we do spend with them bittersweet. To complicate matters, the when/where/how are still unclear, so a sense of instability is hanging over our lives.

I'm finding my reaction to all of this to be an internal battle between the undeniable pain of the situation and a deep desire to appreciate the precious stage of life I currently occupy. Shepherd will only be a baby once. I will only get to raise him once. I know it is cheesy to say this, but he is a miracle to me. Perhaps it is the bright side to my perpetual worrying, but I am able to fully be in awe of his 10 fingers and 10 toes because I spent so much of my pregnancy worrying that I would eat the once thing that leads to 9-toed babies. His vivacity and joy and humor and relentless activity (while exhausting) are miraculous. In addition to only getting to raise Shepherd once, I'll also only experience my 20s once, and I'll only be a young housewife once, and I'll only start my first art business once, and you get the picture. These are all blessings I don't feel like missing out on.

But I am constantly aware of a severe sense of disappointment and failure over the past three years, and I'm not sure I'm up to the task of being a preacher's wife for the next 40 years. Don't get me wrong. I'm up to being BJ's wife. It's being a preacher's wife that can really suck some times.

So this is the conundrum I find myself in. At some point I'm going to have to reconcile myself to the one role in my life that I can't seem to relish. I love,love,love being a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend. And while the feminist in me says that no woman should be defined by the job her spouse holds, the pragmatist in me says, "Oh, yes they are" (at least when said spouse is a politician or preacher).

In the mean time, when I start getting all fidget-y and depressed, I just go to my happy place, which just so happens to be the picture I posted last week of Shep smiling. Seriously, who can possibly be worried or sad when looking at this face?

One More Face of Shepherd

2011-03-22T18:16:00.002-05:00

Pure Joy

The Many Faces of Shepherd

2011-03-18T15:10:00.008-05:00

Shocked

Focused

Inquisitive

Concerned

Indignant

Confused

Entirely Bored with His Mother

5 Months

2011-03-16T23:09:00.005-05:00

Shepherd turned 5 months old yesterday. Shep spent part of his 5-month birthday chillin' with his dad.

Then he had a little issue he had to take care of. A little 'air' issue, shall we say.

But after taking care of that, he felt very relaxed and happy.

That pretty much sums up the life of a 5-month old.

so tired

2011-03-09T22:55:00.003-06:00

I have been a busy lady here lately. For starters, I have a baby. And a husband. And a dog. They all have to be fed, and the former two create massive amounts of laundry. Also, our realtor has chosen our house to be featured in a First-Day-of-Spring Open House event. We are organizing a yard sale to help clear clutter out. Also, I'm trying to get my Etsy shop running smoothly. Of course, there is also the job of supporting BJ in his current job hunt. On top of all of that, I have to take care of the boring everyday stuff, like brushing my teeth.

BJ, Shepherd, and I just had my dad and brother visit us. It was a lovely week. I would love to post about it real soon. But right now, my only goal in life is to drag my tired self to bed and to do it quietly enough to not wake my son. It would also be nice if I can manage the energy to brush my teeth. We'll see how that goes.

Hello Old Friend

2011-03-02T22:24:00.009-06:00

After whizzing and stripping down to my knickers this morning (I know, too much information), I officially reached my pre-pregnancy weight. After doing a celebratory hoppy dance, Shep and I laid on the floor together and celebrated.

And just in case you were wondering, this is a pretty normal way for me and Shepherd to spend a morning. I have the best job on earth.

Trials in Eating

2011-02-23T21:42:00.006-06:00

At Shepherd's four-month check-up, we were given the go ahead to start him on rice cereal. When we set down for the first feeding last night, we were very optimistic.

This here is how that went:

When I succeeded in getting zero food down my son, BJ decided to give it a try. And this here is how that went:

We then gave up. The good news is that tonight, it went much better.

Shepherd actually swallowed most of the food. The only draw back was that I got more rice cereal on my clothes than he got on his bib. Oh well. We made progress, at least.

4 months

2011-02-21T22:30:00.004-06:00

(Shepherd listening to music with BJ.)

Shepherd had his 4 month check-up today. We learned a few things. Mainly, we learned that he is long. Shepherd jumped from the 40th percentile among boys his age in height to the 75th percentile. This essentially means he has had one mean growth spurt. The main thing that is wonderful about this is that it explains his recent fussiness. He was just growing, perhaps a little faster than is normal, and his body is trying very hard to keep up with it all. What was funny is that he is only in the 25th percentile in weight. Basically, he's my little string bean.

When visiting the pediatrician, a parent is encouraged to divulge all of their child's recent developments. About 3 minutes into the appointment, I realized I have a near irrational pride in just about everything about Shepherd. I found myself basically being a giant braggart. My son can (already) roll over both ways. He makes eye contact with everyone he meets, and he almost always smiles for them. When music comes on, he listens. When I read him books, he looks at the pages. He can lift up his torso and move his legs in crawling-like motion. His eyes are so big, I'm pretty sure they catapult him into the 99.9th percentile for cuteness in boys his age. Somebody stop me. It's like word vomit. I can't stop telling people that my son is like every other baby, except somehow better.

What was even worse is that I ended up bragging about my dog as well. Gus is so empathetic. When Shep cries, he runs, whimpering, towards the baby and licks Shep's feet or legs. He sits by us until Shepherd is fully pacified. He stands between Shepherd and visitors in a protective manner. He is essentially the best dog ever.

Please forgive my bragging. I'm going to end this blog post before I start talking about how gracious BJ is and what an amazing father he is becoming. No really I'll stop now. But he is awesome. All of my boys are awesome.

Elegance with a Smudge

2011-02-14T22:16:00.002-06:00

Ever since I became a stay-at-home mom, I knew that this is my best opportunity to start selling my art. Since the beginning of the new year, I've been focusing all of my free time on starting an online shop. After painting and planning and reading up on craft businesses and a lot of other prep work, I am starting to post items on my Etsy shop, Elegance with a Smudge. You will notice that on the side of this blog is a feed that shows items as I post them. I'll have many paintings going up in the next few days, so keep an eye out. Hope you enjoy!

"Home" with Shepherd

2011-02-08T21:09:00.003-06:00

Shepherd had a bad day today. We think he is teething (or, at least, that is what I tell myself to give the hours of crying meaning). To complicate things, BJ has been gone four to five nights a week for the past month, leaving me wondering how in the world single moms do it.

By the end of today, I was haggard to say the least, so when BJ left once again at 7:30ish, I didn't know how I would make it through the next half hour until Shepherd's bath and bedtime. Suddenly, I remembered a day a month ago when Shepherd and I listened to indie music from NPR's tiny desk concerts. He actually seemed calmed by the music, so I ran with my crying baby on my hip to the computer and pulled up Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros singing "Home". I started twirling and dancing silly and singing and basically doing anything I could think of to make my baby smile. And in a moment of pure grace, it worked.

There is something about dancing in circles singing the words, "Ahh, Home/Let me come Home/Home is wherever I’m with you/Ahh, Home/Let me come Home/Home is when I’m alone with you," to your giggling baby boy that just makes the world seem like a wonderful place. When I was a child, I was told that heaven would be a place where we would sit around singing hymns all day. That sort of sounds like torture. I hope instead that heaven is simply a place where the feeling I had tonight dancing with Shepherd is multiplied infinitely. At the end of this very long day, my mind is too exhausted to be sure of much, but I am sure of one thing: I see God's creativity, grace, and beauty in my four-month old son everyday, and it is astounding.

The Highlight of My 26th Birthday

2011-02-05T22:42:00.002-06:00

Today, I turned 26 years old. It was a good birthday full of card games, family, and good food. However, the highlight of the day came at the end when I was changing Shepherd's diaper. I had put him to bed, but he woke up angry over a soggy diaper. Shepherd has quite a temper, and in a fit of anger, he rolled over. It was the first time I'd ever seen him accomplish this feat. He was buck naked and red with anger, but I was so proud of him and immediately began clapping and cheering. When I rolled him to his back, he looked up with a confused grin that clearly said, "I can tell by your reaction I did something awesome, but I'm not sure what exactly it is I did." That moment alone made for a very happy birthday.

Dress Code

2011-01-29T19:34:00.003-06:00

The first couple of months of Shepherd's life, I was so enamored of all the baby shower clothes and the opportunity to live out my childhood baby-doll games, I kept Shepherd dressed pretty well most of the time. If he spit up on his outfit or had a diaper malfunction or managed to pee on his clothing during a diaper change while I was reaching for a wet wipe, I'd replace the adorable puppy-dog outfit he had started the day in with an equally adorable bear or tiger or monkey outfit. He was a very well-dressed little boy.

After three months of being a stay-at-home mom. I'm finding that I'm starting to fall behind on this particular aspect of the job. It isn't so much that I'm loosing the battle. Rather, it is that the battle is starting to seem less important. Here is a case in point. This morning, Shepherd started the day like this...

...and ended the day like this:

Between the shirt riding up, one booty missing, a total disappearance of the pants, and a nice stream of drool running down the chin, you might think something had gone terrible wrong somewhere along the way. But all I was seeing at this point of the day was a baby who wasn't crying or fussing and who had on a fairly dry and fairly clean diaper. I now know without a doubt that these are the things that constitute a well-dressed child, so in my book, he's still looking pretty cute.

Transitions

2011-01-24T21:03:00.002-06:00

BJ and I have lived in Kentucky for over 2 and a half years. It has been a time of good memories, some struggles, and colder temperatures than should be allowed. This Sunday at church, BJ announced to our congregation that we will be leaving Kentucky in 2011, and we are currently in the process of looking for a new place to minister. BJ explained what is going on very well, so I'm just going to let him speak for me. This is the statement BJ read at church yesterday, and just to be clear, he read it word for word not to be disingenuous, but rather because it was a hard thing to say.

"In early January it was brought to my attention that the general feeling of the congregation was that I am not meeting the expectations of a full-time minister. It was expressed to me that this disappointment was primarily in two areas, with my preaching and with my people skills. The hope in letting me know this was that I would be able to make changes toward meeting this congregation’s expectations, but my preaching and my people reflect the nature of who I am and that makes them very, very difficult to change. In order to make the fruitful changes necessary I would need to change my personality, and that is something I cannot do. Instead, I come before you today to let you know that in 2011 I will be partnering with the leadership of this congregation to transition into another ministry in a way that is best for me, my family, and this congregation.

"That makes 2011 a year of transition for all of us. Kalyn and I will at some point be moving, and you will be searching for another minister. It will be a year of challenges, but also a year of new opportunities. So as we continue into this new year, I would like to share with you a few thoughts that are on my mind and in my heart.

"First, I thank you for the past few years. When Kalyn and I first moved here it was for a career change. I had been a teacher, but felt called, sometimes shoved, to ministry. At the same time, I had always been intimidated by ministry, the reasons for that I have shared with you before. Did I really want to dedicate my life to full-time ministry? Was I okay with my family living this life-style? Did I have gifts that could serve in this capacity? Did I trust God to care for us? Those questions have all been answered.

"This congregation has also provided me and my family with an income and a place to call home. We’ve always had food on our plates and been able to pay the bills. We’ve enjoyed connecting with many of you and many of your children. We’ve enjoyed the bonfires and the games of sardines. We’ve enjoyed visiting with you in your homes and having many of you over to ours. I have been humbled by your willingness to invite me into your lives during times of crisis. I’ve enjoyed the van rides and listening to the teens sing along to the daily top five. The hospitality that has been shown to us has meant a great deal. We’ll have good memories from here, and we have you to thank for that.

"I have tried to meet the expectations of this congregation. Sometimes I have; sometimes I have not, but it has all provided me with a chance to grow and mature both as a person and as a minister, something that is seldom pleasant, but always necessary. Ministers never have the full support of every member of their congregations, so to those of you who feel slighted or hurt or ignored by something I have done or said, or something I have failed to do or say, I am sorry.

"After two and a half years it is a difficult thing to acknowledge the fact that my gifts and strengths are not the gifts and strengths this congregation needs, but that seems to be where we’re at. Farmington is a congregation with great potential, but I was not the right minister to help you realize that potential. I wish that were not the case, and I hope and pray that the minister after me will help you achieve your hopes and dreams.

"In the interim, I will continue to work and serve this congregation to the best of my ability. I pray that God continues to watch over us all, to protect us and to lead us into new, green pastures. I truly hope and pray that the Lord will bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord will lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace."

Love

2011-01-16T23:42:00.003-06:00

Shepherd turned three months old yesterday. That has given me three months to get used to motherhood. In some ways, I have adjusted very well. I am used to getting up once or twice a night, changing diapers every 30 minutes to an hour, and doing housework in spurts that just so happen to coincide with Shepherd's naps.

What I can't seem to get used to is just how intensely I feel when it comes to Shepherd. The amount of love I feel when I look at him causes an achy feeling when I inhale. The smallest expression from him (a grin, a furrowed brow, a pout) instantly captivates my attention and blurs my surroundings. In all honesty, all of this intensity is flat out frightening.

I've been trying to figure out why I feel this much this strongly about one person. It isn't a quantitative issue; I don't love Shepherd more than BJ. I've come to decide that it is more an issue of vulnerability. All loving relationships leave a person at least somewhat vulnerable. With BJ, I consciously subjected myself to the vulnerability. When I told him I loved him for the first time in an ACU parking lot, I knew that I was opening myself to the possibility of rejection, but I felt that the shot at love was worth the risk of heartbreak. Each time we took our relationship to a deeper level, I knew that I was simultaneously increasing how badly I would hurt if our relationship ended. With Shepherd, there was not an incremental process of becoming more and more vulnerable. He was just born, and suddenly I knew that anytime he hurts or suffers or struggles, I will feel all of that pain, perhaps worse than he will. And this realization was and has continued to be terrifying.

This past week, an aunt of my best friend lost her 22 year old son in a car accident. When I think about this mother, I can barely breath. I pray for her and the unimaginable pain she must be experiencing, and like all mothers when they hear news of this sort, I attach a prayer for my own son's safety and health. But despite all the fear that I'm finding is part of motherhood, the bare-naked vulnerability of this office, I am absolutely certain it is worth the risk. If Shepherd learns nothing else from me in these next 18 years as I raise him, I hope he learns this: he is worth being loved, and love is no small thing.

He does not like "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

2011-01-14T09:46:00.002-06:00

Change of Name

2011-01-01T22:01:00.003-06:00

When I first started my blog, it was called, "Living with a Boy, a Dog, and a Crazy Cat." Then we got another dog, so I called it, "Living with a Boy, Two Dogs, and a Crazy Cat." Well, 2010 was a pretty epic year with a lot of changes; we are minus one cat and we've added a baby. So I've decided it is time once again to change the title of my blog. It is now going to be "Just Me and My Boys." It isn't that the dogs aren't important. It is just a bit of a mouthful to say "Just Me and My Boys and Our Dogs", don't you think?

Speaking of our dogs, they have officially accepted Shepherd into the pack. How do I know this? Yesterday, I had our laundry sorted out into piles in preparation for laundry day. All of Shepherd's laundry was in a pile all its own because his clothes are washed with Dreft. Dogs love laying on the clothes of their owners (aka pack leaders). It has something to do with being encompassed by their smell. Anyways, both Gus and Zoe picked Shepherd's pile of clothes to camp out on.

There are a few other signs that Shepherd has been initiated. When I tell Gus to go check on Shep, he immediately runs to the baby and sniffs him. If company comes over, Gus goes to the doorway of whatever room Shepherd is in and barks, forming a barrier of sorts. This is a habit we will need to break. Zoe gets a concerned look on her face when Shepherd is crying, and anytime I leave the house with Shepherd, she has a conniption. There is only one thing that can be deduced from all of this: our home is full of puppy love, and it's a good thing.

Here's a picture of Shepherd chilling on the couch from earlier today. I have no reason for posting this other than the fact that he's so cute it makes my heart hurt, and I want to share this with all of you.

Christmas with Family, and the Onslaught of Dirty Diapers

2010-12-29T08:51:00.005-06:00

BJ, Shepherd, and I just returned from Christmas with the Gensics. We had a wonderful week passing Shepherd around and playing cards.

On Christmas Day, we went to my mother-in-law's mother's house and spent time with the other side of the family. I don't know what it was about Christmas day, but Shepherd dirtied more diapers in a day than I thought was possible. To make matters worse, the diapers weren't containing the poo very well, so he also went through three outfits. On our way back to the Gensics that night, he wet another diaper only minutes after we had hit the road. The minivan was packed, so his Nana had to change his diaper while he was in his car seat. It took a lot of maneuvering, but he got cleaned up. My favorite part of Christmas day was probably when he looked up at his Nana with a look that clearly said, "Are you seriously going to change my diaper like this?" See below.

My parents are having some pretty serious Shep-withdrawals, so yesterday I made them a video of Shepherd smiling and playing. I decided to post it here if for no other reason than to prove just how stupid a parent will act in the pursuit of a smile from a two-month old.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and just in case I don't post again before Saturday, Happy New Years!

Just Me and My Boys

Why we probably shouldn't get a real puppy until Shepherd is a little older

"All done" my foot

Payback

Who is this toddler, and what did he do with my sweet baby?

Christmas 2011

A Very Important Announcement

It couldn't possibly be two weeks

A wonderful Thanksgiving

First Drawing

The reason I'm behind on posting

Exploring (Taste-Testing) with Shepherd

Happy Halloween!!!

The Artist Gene

Shepherd's Birthday in Exhausting Detail

Happy Birthday, Shepherd!

One Day to Go: Project Cake is Completed

Two Days to Go: The Present

Three Days to Go (and now for the hardest thing I've ever done)

Four Days To Go

The Countdown Begins: 5 Days to Shepherd's Birthday

Pictures of Shep (because that's what I do)

A New Home

We're in Ardmore!

When words fail, there are always pictures of Shepherd

10 months

A Very Important Announcement

Where I've Been

Cleaning the Bathroom with Shepherd

5 Years

Approaching Nine Months

It really is a beautiful life

A Week in Texas

Torn

A Fun Way to Spend Sunday Afternoon

BJ's Parenting Techniques: Part 3

For my deprived mother...

Why it has been FOREVER since I posted last

A brief study of Shep's gene pool

What a Week

Musings of a Mom in Mid-Afternoon

Another First

About those Easter pictures...

Happy Easter!

Birthdays and Half Birthdays

Watch Out World: He's Going Mobile

My, How Times Have Changed

This Makes Me Giggle

Life Roles

One More Face of Shepherd

The Many Faces of Shepherd

5 Months

so tired

Hello Old Friend

Trials in Eating

4 months

Elegance with a Smudge

"Home" with Shepherd

The Highlight of My 26th Birthday

Dress Code

Transitions

Love

He does not like "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

Recommended Reading

Change of Name

Christmas with Family, and the Onslaught of Dirty Diapers